… I keep thinking about this thing of praying for marriage & children for myself.  I had never thought of doing it before. I have prayed about “if I get married sometime…” but not asking for it. I have a aunt, a lovely lady and never married. Her life has impacted many many people, including mine, in ways she couldn’t have if she had her own family to care for. Do I pray for a husband for her?? God doesn’t plan for all ladies to get married, does He? I am interested in the marriages of my friends! I just wondered about how you said we should pray to get married..?

A girl e-mailed this when she read my last post. I asked her permission to share her question, so now you can look over our shoulders to read part of our correspondence. My answer to her was a little wordier than I intended, but well, that sort of happens sometimes.

–Thanks for writing and bringing up some excellent questions! There are several reasons I suggested praying for marriage for friends and ourselves. I’ll try to explain them here:

1. For emotional honesty. If we feel lonely and ‘left behind’ there’s no virtue in becoming defiant and try to convince ourselves that we can do life just fine on our own and don’t need a man. God knows how our hearts work better than we do; He already knows how we feel. We may as well be honest with ourselves about it since we’re not letting Him in on anyth
2. Good things happen to our hearts when we come to God with an open hand.  In coming to Him in honesty, it’s not about getting what we want, but about encountering God, hearing His voice and seeing His face toward us.  THIS is the intimacy we were created for, and this is what changes our lives and GIVES us life. HE is the one our hearts are most hungry for.

Living with an open hand is part of what makes a woman beautiful. She isn’t shaking an angry, clenched fist, nor refusing what God wants to give her.  She’s accepting whatever He chooses to put in or take out of her hand. She reflects Jesus in the garden when He came to His father with honesty of what He really wanted, but still surrendered to His higher will. (Notice that His Father never scolded Him for His honesty. He won’t scold us for it either.)

Does God plan for some women to stay single? Maybe. Maybe not. Our lives absorb the consequences for our own decisions and those of others as well as circumstances outside of our control. The best thing is that God is bigger than whatever consequences we live with, and does amazing, wonderful things with wherever we find ourselves.

My understanding is that marriage is our design, but not the ultimate of life. In addition to my observations and experience, these are some of the writers who have influenced me to come to the conclusion that it’s good to ask God for marriage:

Sharon Yoder, author of To Have and To Hold

The bloggers at fast. pray. Their subtitle is: We’re asking God to move and bring about marriage for those who desire it. We’re praying for God embolden men to be leaders: in churches, homes, and relationships. We are also asking that the Holy Spirit would be working in the hearts of women to soften their hearts and transform them into the image of Christ.

I’d be glad for more feedback if you feel like writing!