I felt offended the first time I went to a McDonald’s and couldn’t place an order with a person but had to order at the digital screen. I felt it was an affront to our humanity to have a screen mediate our transaction, and I’ll probably never be ok with it.
When I think about how to spend my limited resources of time, money, and technology, I want to live out of an abundance mentality, rather than scarcity. What good and beautiful thing can I throw my energy into? When God dreamed me up, what did He intend for me to be? I know He didn’t intend me to be a dour, nay-saying person.
What’s my biggest YES?
God and His purposes are the the non-negotiable part of my life. Beyond that, my biggest YES is connected to people and words.
Being sure of my main YES is wonderfully clarifying. I’m convinced that He intended me for:
- Action rather than passivity
- Creativity rather than consumerism
- Interaction rather than spectating
These convictions help me sort out what to say YES and NO to regarding technology and devices. It even shapes my policy not to use the self-check-out machines at Walmart, because they cut out one person that I could interact with.
Passivity, consumerism, and spectating tend to shrivel and diminish a person—not what God had in mind when He dreamed up humans.
In contrast, action, creativity, and interaction make us fuller, better, healthier people.
Flourishing would describe it, and is surely what God designed us for.
Below are some practical ways that demonstrate my ideals and my main YES. When I know what to say YES to, it filters out clutter. I have more time for what I really love. I get to live in abundance, not scarcity.
But first a qualification: I really enjoy social media. I love Instagram. Also, I know loneliness and the magnetic pull for more, more, more faces and profiles and witty exchanges. Dopamine is a chemical we all like to feel, but the soul translates its absence as loneliness, and I feel it too. I’m not speaking out of a distant, Luddite attitude. Not at all.
I mostly watch videos only if they’re classical music, choral music, painting, or lettering because they speak to my creativity. Who has time for cat videos? How are cats connected to anyone’s big YES? Oh yes, the people who work in catteries. But I’m not a kill joy, honestly. I love a good laugh. Oh yes, and I love, love, love Nathan Pyle’s Strange Planet because he makes me laugh every single day.
Housecleaning
I’m very Marie Kondo about my feeds. If something doesn’t spark joy, I unfollow it. Simple. I followed a very talented artist, and learned from her, and liked what she did, but she complained all the time, and I decided I don’t need that negativity. Same way for someone who consistently rants about their pet grievance or enthusiasm. If it’s about politics or multilevel marketing, it’s out. It’s nothing personal but it’s a boundary that gives me space to interact with the people I really want to hear from.
Friends or strangers
I accept most friend requests because I’m an author and welcome interaction that extends beyond the book. But with little or no exception, I don’t follow people I don’t know in real life, unless it’s a public page relating to creativity or people. Nobody is keeping track of how many friends or likes I have, and if they do, they must not get out much.
Real people vs virtual connections
People are colorful and unpredictable and quirky. They have all these stories and insights covered up in their souls, and I refuse to miss out on that by burying my face in my phone. Are some people boring? Yes. But they stay boring if I don’t engage with them.
And yes, interacting with real humans can be awkward and risky on all kinds of levels.
But how can people live their hours behind a device and then be vibrant, wholesome, contributing, flourishing husbands and wives and church members and mentors and artists and teachers and committee members?
Passivity and consumerism bleed into crippled, selfish relationships where I must feel good and cozy all the time, or I’ll escape into a device. Saying YES to interacting with real humans now exercises the muscles necessary later to love the difficult son or daughter, the awkward small group member, the selfish committee member. Refusing to interact in real life results in shriveled, diminished humans, which is an ugly alternative to what God dreamed for us. Is interaction with real people easy? Nope, not always.
If it were easy, everyone would be doing it.
Be all here
My phone shows only my Whatsapp, Messenger, and email notifications on the lock screen. I don’t need anything else when I’m working or socializing. I don’t have to know what’s going on on Facebook or Instagram until I’m alone and have time to open the app. If I leave for an evening and I’m not the driver, the phone usually stays home. Others have heavier responsibilities than I, and don’t have the luxury of being as untethered as I am. But if they’re not a Person of Pressing Responsibility, I wonder why the phone can’t stay on their table a few hours until they get back.
This extends to taking pictures. We’ve all seen the circle of friends who are looking down into their phones at the pictures they’ve just taken instead of out into each other’s eyes. Or they’re contorting themselves to take a Instagram-worthy picture instead of internalizing the moment.
It makes my heart hurt to see that, but I feel the rub. Last Monday evening I was in a choir rehearsal. I’m so excited to be in an 80+ voice choir for Larry Nickel’s “A Cappella Christmas Cantata.” Part of my job is to publicize the event, and pictures do that best, right? But I felt so conflicted because I could either be a good choir member and stay engaged with the singing. Or I could take action shots. But I couldn’t do both, and when I tried, I failed on both fronts. sigh
Then yesterday I spent the day with a small group of pals critiquing writing projects. It was a lovely atmosphere, and I kept thinking about how I could capture part of it in a picture. After several hours of being all there, I tried surreptitiously to take a picture, but it wasn’t a good one and it still derailed the conversation toward styling a picture and talking about #vscobasics. Some conversations can afford to be interrupted with a camera, and some can’t. I’ve decided that my best moments don’t make it to the internet because they’re so sweet and precious, not for public consumption, and too valuable to interrupt with a camera.
The disrupting shot
There are people in my life who have shaped me enormously, and they do it by being completely present with me. When they talk to me, they make me feel like I’m the most important person in their world. They ask thoughtful questions that show me they remember our last conversation even if it was a long time ago. They’re not grabbing at a pocket, or glancing at a screen when it dings. They have a million other things to do, but in that moment, they’re with me, and my soul is soothed in a way that no screen can mimic. The tilt of the head, the squint of the eye, the wink, or touching my arm tell me that they are all there, and I find it deeply restorative. We don’t have a selfie to document the moment but something real and lasting happened inside me.
This is the kind of presence and intention that will shift a person, a community, a world, and I want to be part of that.
Join me?
Tis a Gift to Receive 
I think I’ve noticed that the more social media is used to communicate and satisfy loneliness and the need for connection and relationship, the less patience we are willing to have and the more out of practice we are with the slower work of going deep in a relationship. More people are settling for more surface relationships with more people, instead of taking time to make quality relationships with fewer people. Love hearing practical pointers and knowing that there are people who are thoughtfully living their lives, aware that God’s designs are constantly under attack!
I think your observations may be accurate. This can help give us motivation to relate well.
I am with you! And I enjoyed reading the clarity of your boundaries and desires for relationships.
Thanks, Janelle! I’m sad that I’ve only seen you once since you’re in the area. So much for presence… =/
Surely we can rectify this situation before another three months passes.
absolutely – shall we make plans in person, on the phone, or on line? 🙂
Yes, I so agree Anita. Presence is about being present. I was shook at a slumber party recently where a number ‘sat on phones’. Wild. God help us.
Hmmmm. I wonder if they could’ve had the same interaction at home alone.
At an author’s club presentation yesterday I heard a good talk on how to gain a following on social media–in order to promote your own writing. It was a good talk in that it clarified for me that I really don’t want to use social media to gain a following. I’m usually not even brave enough to link to my blog on Facebook. Trivia from his talk . . . The speaker shared your distaste for negativity. He deletes the first of any such comments and blocks the person commenting if it occurs again. He also said not to ever talk about religion or politics, and he recommended against posting memes. Never post a link without an accompanying comment was another recommendation.
I share your cautions about social media, and I have a sometimes-embarrassing cluelessness and uneasiness in relation to my smartphone. At the same time, I get a little tired sometimes of blanket statements like “No one ever changes their mind because of something they read on Facebook.” I know for a fact that this isn’t true. Aren’t we all called to obedience in being a witness to truth wherever we have the opportunity to do that? Just as Paul was called to go to the Gentiles, isn’t it possible that some in our time are called to minister to the Facebook crowd? I don’t say this to counter anything you said–just adding my two bits.
Wish we could talk this over in person, Miriam! You bring up good points that I definitely agree with.
This is something I need to constantly be reminded of. At airports there is an especially strong motivation, almost like peer pressure, to isolate oneself. This past Tuesday at the Chicago airport I intentionally left my phone in my pocket and attempted to tune in to my surroundings. Every person sitting in the immediate vicinity was on their phones. I made an effort to present a pleasant, welcoming face to those passing by. Eventually a gentleman took the empty seat beside me and we chatted for several minutes before he needed to board. It was nothing exceptional, but it was a reminder of the need to be present for any communication to occur.
I like that intentional push away from the default, Nathan!
Thank you! Thank you! I so needed this. I can have just as good a friends and deep relationships as all the younger selfie taking crowd.
Miriam, minor correction: Though it is true Paul was called to minister to the Gentiles, he was also called to minister to the Jews (Acts 9:15). In fact, often when he came to a new city he preached at the synagogue as long as he was welcome. All that to say that our callings may be multi-faceted. LRM