Practical Theology

Posted in life, Poland, teaching English by

I was writing a letter today to someone who was feeling forgotten by God and men. Among other things, I wrote that we were made for Eden, and will never find perfection here. (Has this become the refrain of my days?)

Then I started wondering if God intended us to stay in Eden forever. Did He create Eden with the contingent plans of redemption and healing that would be necessary after the sin and brokenness that would enter the perfection?

These aren’t new questions, and I’m sure there are answers. I’m reading Bonhoeffer right now, and he was a practical theologian, and spent years studying and teaching deep theories and ideas. He was dissatisfied with keeping all of that only as theory, and did his best to flesh out the ideas he believed.

For a fleeting moment today, thinking about Eden, something in me wanted to study and discuss and write and come to a nice, tidy conclusion about God’s purposes and what He had in mind at creation. Good people spend years talking and writing about these kinds of things, and some of that appeals to me.  But not now.

Instead, I felt most fulfilled today, not pondering vast ideas, but teaching and talking with little children. One opened the house door for me but hid under his bed until his mom yelled at him to come for his English lesson. I considered leaving and not getting into a conflict. There’s no point in twisting someone’s arm to learn English. But I gave him a chance, and it turned out to be a delightful 45 min. lesson. He ended up giving me more words than he’d ever done before.

The next class was a brother and sister. She was in a funk and embodied a dark gray storm cloud. It was wonderful to read them a story, meet her eyes now and then, and watch the light gradually seep back into her. I’m learning to relax in children’s classes, and not get all up tight when the lesson doesn’t go as I planned. To go with the current, and if they deviate from my plans, to take that route and make it a teaching opportunity. As one who likes serendipity, this kind of class lets me fly. And they’re not out of control, so I can let them go, which means we played Hangman even if I hadn’t planned to.

I mean,  if, while the sister finishes a project,  the brother writes 13 blanks on the board and asks me to guess his word and it turns out to be christmastree, I’m not going to complain.

Then I treated myself to a fancy coffee (to write the letter mentioned above) and bumped into another student with her 3 yr old who resents his mother talking to anyone except him. But I took him and kissed and tickled his cheeks and made him laugh, and he liked me a little after all.

This is my kind of theology. It’s where I best put my energy. I don’t know what you call it, but it suits me.

__________ isn’t Perfect

Posted in Family, life, travel by

She stood in the doorway, looking like a storm cloud. “What’s wrong?” I asked her.

“Life isn’t perfect,” she said.

Oh. Yes. That’s what’s wrong.

I remember when it occurred to me, after years of insisting that life is wonderful (and it is), that it feels a lot more honest and freeing to admit imperfection. To acknowledge that Eden was a long time ago. To remember that perfection is still ahead of us.

One thing I hate about the enemy is that he’s the source of imperfection, but that’s not enough: he uses our longing for perfection to pit us against life and  each other. So we’re not perfect, and we hate that, but at the same time we hold others to our expectations of perfection. It can get really ugly.

I wonder how Jesus lived in this tension of knowing perfection but walking, sleeping, eating, loving in a fragmented world. Maybe what made it possible for Him to live well was that He was full of Grace and Truth. He knew reality– the unchanging, clear sense of what was accurate about the moment, but He had grace to cover the shards, elastic to stretch past real limitations.

I’m thinking alot about perfection and imperfection since the week of Christmas, which held more laughter and tears than my normal capacity. In a perfect world, we would understand each others’ hearts and have no expired passports.

The week was also filled with grace. Magnanimous, expansive grace.

Two days after Christmas, my parents, sister and brother-in-law, a friend, and I took a train to Berlin. Our 3 days there were filled with education, laughter, coffee, good weather, discussions.   I think laughter is such a big grace that it’s almost sacred. All of trip was a wonderful way to recharge the batteries.

I have no New Year’s resolutions. I am unspeakably grateful that God is over time, and doesn’t mark years and days as we do. With Him, the next moment is always the moment that is untouched, clear, and ready for new beginnings. For that reason, I know He doesn’t mind when I keep pleading with Him for His grace and truth to become the fabric of my life.

Sing the Glories

Posted in life, recommendations, words by

He came, John wrote, full of grace and truth.

Grace and truth. Truth and grace.

I mull the words, mixing them in a million ways, and always they stay only two words. Two words that dazzle me, words so big that I can’t get my head around them. It’s good I’m not trying to understand ten words.

I am desperate, panting, wanting to absorb what they mean and what they are.

Truth defies darkness, illumines, clarifies. To live with one lie–even half a lie–is too much darkness to endure. What is the truth about this situation? What can dispel the lie I believe here? Living in light is what we were created for, and it is beautiful.

But truth alone can kill, can cut to the bone, can devastate. Truth can be scary, and we unconsciously adopt ways to avoid it.

Grace moves into the cracks that truth opens. Grace soothes and softens. It never refutes truth, never distorts the light. It gives space and understanding and patience. It gives when it could rightfully demand. It forgives when it could justly expose.

Humans, in their finiteness, are prone to the either/or limitations of grace and truth. We try to be balanced, and try to come out with a good average. But Christ, in His fullness and perfection, came FULL of both grace and truth.

The wonder of it catches my breath and makes me hungry for the same fullness, the same richness. I know how my fallible heart harps on truth without the balm of grace, but the next minute slathers grace in the shade, disregarding the full truth.

I see that real change in the world and in me happens at the place where grace is poured onto truth.

The bishop told Jean Valjean who’d stolen the silver:  “You promised to become an honest  man. You no longer belong to evil but to good. With this silver I ransomed your soul, and now I give you back to God.” The truth was that he no longer belonged to evil. Accepting the grace poured onto that made Jean Valjean a changed man .  Javert, though, tried to live his life without breaking a single rule but truth by itself it had no power for lasting change in himself or anyone in his world.

(If you’ve never read Les Miserables go quickly and get a copy to read over Christmas break.)

He who is full of Truth and Grace is my life model, and I love Him, however feebly and childishly. His truth takes away the shadows of untruths, and His grace softens the hard edges of this fallen, tired, broken world.

He rules the world with truth and grace, and makes the nations sing!

Book Giveaway!

Posted in books, recommendations by

Quick! Run to Michelle’s site to enter her book giveaway. That is, you’ll want to try for it if you’re a bride or need a gift for a bride or even if you were a bride 20 years ago.

Michelle and her sister Christy co-authored this book, and I’m so proud of them. To be honest, I’ve not read it from cover to cover–oh yes, I guess I did when it was still a Word document–because it’s not the kind of material I need in this stage of my life. But women who have read it give it rave reviews. And I’m even one of the guest authors, and slipped in a chapter about brides relating to their single friends. So you could read the book just for that chapter. Ha!

It’s a happy memory: Michelle and I cross-legged on her couch, both with a laptop, editing each other’s manuscripts. So it wasn’t professional editing, but there’s nothing like a friends being honest with each other about how to tune up their words.

I believe in the book’s message, and the way that Michelle and Christy come along-side women, and let them feel that they’re not alone. Writing from the middle of their lives as new brides gave them a voice of understanding and credibility. The book is honest, personal, and articulate. I cheer for their vision and the way I see them pour their lives into their own families.

If you don’t win the book, you can contact Michelle: (434) 760-3853, or visit the website to order a copy for yourself and/or a friend. It makes a wonderful gift, you know.

I Met Philip Yancey in Warsaw

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The tickets were expensive enough that I probably wouldn’t have gone except that my brother-in-law said I really need to: Philip Yancey’s your favourite author–you have to go!

I’m so glad he urged me. I’ve read eleven of Yancey’s books, some of them several times. I read his books because of his honesty, the way he grapples with hard questions, and the way he uses words. His sentences carry a rhythm, a cadence, that takes you along with his thought processes.

His Polish publisher organized the day, and we convened in a small, quaint hotel’s conference room on the 2nd floor. From my seat I looked out the window and saw the pastel row houses of Old Town, Warsaw.  There were maybe 100 people there, which made the sessions feel relaxed and personal.

We were together the whole day. Philip had four sessions where he talked mostly about the subjects he writes about: faith, prayer, grace, and God’s ways of creation and redemption. The last hour was a Q&A session.

Uncharacteristically, I hadn’t let myself hope for much. I didn’t want to go to be in awe of him, because I dislike raving fans of anyone. It’s not fair to be agog at someone. I do respect him hugely, but  I didn’t know if he would be as engaging as his books are.  And I knew it was unfair to take for granted that I knew him as a person. When you read someone’s words, it’s only part of the whole person, and you can’t expect to know them just from that.

As Philip spoke to the group, I got the feeling that this is a common man who thinks uncommon thoughts, and I wished that I could know him casually, like be able to go to his house with my friends to have coffee with him and his wife.  Later, I had a chance to talk with him, and it was most pleasant. He was gracious and interested in whoever was in front of him. I felt like we spoke the same language, and that it transcended our words.

Later I found his website, and read this: “Unlike many websites, this one emphasizes words and de-emphasizes graphics. I am, after all, a writer.” Ah! Someone else who blogs because of words and not photos! It made me happy that I not only met a writing hero, but also came away feeling that we understand each other.

As for recommendations, read his Disappointment with God, as well as Soul Survivor (it’s his favourite, he said), all the ones co-authored with Dr. Paul Brand, and his latest: What Good is God?  which is a collection of his speeches and the context behind them.  I hope that when you read him, you’ll feel understood too.

If I Had a House

Posted in life by

I cannot see myself being house-proud and obsessed about whether things look squeaky clean or fashionable.  I would want my house to be a place of rest and joy, where anyone could be comfortable and not worry about disturbing a fussy display, nor have to pick cat hair out of  the cake. (There wouldn’t be a cat.) I would want it to be a place of encouragement and warmth and simplicity.

But if I owned a house, and could paint and decorate according to my whims, I would most certainly, definitely have a wall like this where every guest would write something they’re thankful for when they come, or before they leave.  They could choose the color marker they want, and draw a picture instead of write a word. Really, I understand children’s compulsion to write on walls. They’re such wide, open places with endless possibilities.

I would want a wall that no one could pass without having their routine tweaked a little bit. Because nothing is easier than complaining, and giving thanks takes effort. We need something tangible to remind us that to be thankful is to live honestly, to acknowledge a giver, to admit we are unbelievably rich, to help each other remember that lament is also worship.

color- hot soup- warm scarves-big mugs-hugs and wet kisses from my niece and nephews last wkend-students and friends who call the best from me–these words I would write on that wall today.

 

A Book Giveaway

Posted in My Book by

Just to say–one of my oldest, bestest friends is giving you a chance to get a copy of my book on her xanga site.

She’s not old, it’s just that she and I just go back a long way. I’ve  blogged about her before here and here and here. The thing that amazes me when we get together or talk on the phone is how either of us gets a word in edgewise, but somehow it works. We can even be quiet together. But rarely. We’re generally pretty noisy.

So if you want to have a chance at winning a book for yourself or a friend, have a go there. And yes, well, she says some nice things about me, which is awfully kind of her.

I’m glad she’s doing this giveaway because  I’m not thinking about my book much right now. What I’m thinking about is the incredible gift of meeting Philip Yancey last Saturday. He’s my absolute favourite writer, and the wonderful day deserves a blog post. Sometime.

I’m not sure if I’m a writer, because ‘wroter’ seems to be more accurate: I wrote a book once. I dream of writing another book, hopefully in the next ten years, just because I love the experience. I love the research, the playing with words, rearranging them to make them work. But for now, I have one book finished, and you have a chance to win a copy.

Even Teachers Need Teachers

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When I attended a weekend seminar on depression, I wondered where the main speaker went for advice. Where does the counselor go for counsel? He had so much wisdom and experience to give, and I respect him so much that I almost put him on an unfair, high pedestal. But of course he’s human, and needs input from other people.

Then when I trained to become a massage therapist, I started wondering where does the therapist go for therapy?

I don’t know how our present generation compares with former ones. I only know that me and my peers tend to think we’re pretty well-informed on every subject, and we can spout off ideas and opinions, and we think the world owes us an audience. I think it’s partially connected to the narcissistic behavior we can adopt on blogs and social media.

That said, we do have good things to learn from each other. We CAN build up each other, inform, teach, advise.  At the same time, I want always to be able to listen, to be taught, to know my own mind but to acknowledge that my perspective is limited and even flawed.

Every counselor needs a counselor. Every therapist needs a therapist. And EVERYone needs a mentor.

My mentor is a wise lady who, several years ago, asked me a pivotal question that changed my life direction.  She’s a gift because I didn’t go out to look for her. She saw me and pursued me and even when she saw how ugly and messed up I was, she didn’t cringe or flinch. I don’t live near her, but at least a couple times a year, I email her with my current questions and issues. She answers with insight and calmness that heals me like little else does. And she keeps me from being dependent on her, because she keeps pointing me to God and what He’s up to.

When I’m afraid that I’m using her, she reminds me that God uses people to help people, and that she wants to hear back from me.

I say this here because EVERYone needs someone like this in their life. You might have to ask someone to be your mentor. You might have to make the first move, and tell someone that you really need them to give you perspective and advice on your big issues. And don’t kid yourself–you’ve got issues. If you don’t think you do, ask yourself why you got so angry the last time someone disappointed you. Or why you heard yourself talking to/thinking about your co-worker or sister or boss in a less-than-loving way.

I’m not talking about slotting into the touchy-feely world where you only think about your feelings and experiences. You can give, and give well, but you can never know so  much or have so much experience that you don’t need others to help you.

My old wrinkly-faced friend Pepita used to tell me, “The day you stop learning, your toes curl up.” She was over 90, so she should’ve known.

No Ordinary People

Posted in life, Poland by

Last week as I walked the old streets of Warsaw, I tried not to gape at the sharp, intelligent-looking people who strode past me. I felt like a country mouse, agog at the stylish, cultured clothes, the confident walking through gateways, the luxuriant lingering at lunch. Understated. Classy. Artsy. There were all kinds, and I loved watching them.

I caught myself thinking, “Wow, what cultured, classy people live in Warsaw.”

Later, I wondered if that was a fair assessment. I’m thinking out-loud here, and maybe I’m wrong, but I think it’s not fair or right to judge what a person’s personality is, who they really are,  by how they dress. The classy, got-it-together appearance can hide a falling-apart soul. Just as an out-of-fashion, homely appearance can veil a sparkling, keen heart and unsung talents.

I maintain that clothes reveal a person’s priorities, and not who they really are. Ok, admittedly, some of this is about me, because I don’t want people to judge me according to what I wear. I don’t like to spend a lot of time thinking about how I look, and a photo session can put me in a funk for awhile. Like most women, the times I believe I’m beautiful are rare and fleeting.

I have often seen people look askance at my veil and dress, and on good days, it makes me pity them because they don’t know what I nice friend I could be to them. =)  On bad days, their disapproval makes me want to hide. But generally, I don’t mind, because my priorities are serving my God by following His standards and wanting His approval for my decisions, plus I sort of like doing things that make people ask questions.

We are human, and we only see the outside, so that is what we quickly assess and judge. But maybe we shouldn’t. Maybe we should keep asking for Jesus’ eyes to see people as they are, to see their hearts. I think it is usually possible to see a person’s heart by what they reveal in their eyes . It takes time and gentleness and care. And if we don’t have the luxury of spending time with a stranger, we should at least give them the benefit of the doubt, and believe that, no matter how they appear, they are, in C.S. Lewis’ words, “never ordinary: you have never talked to a mere mortal.”

Nations, cultures, arts, civilization–these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, exploit–immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. –Lewis

How to Serve Singles

Posted in life, recommendations, singleness by

Carolyn McCulley, author of several books and blogger at Radical Womanhood, was recently asked to write a guest post for John Piper with advice to leaders on how to serve singles. Although it was written especially for pastors, I think it’s applicable to anyone in the church who wants to serve their spiritual family.

I’m sharing the main points of the post, and a brief parts of their explanations. Do yourself a favour and read the whole post.

You are not shepherding a dating service — wait, yes you are.

Churches should have a high view of marriage and uphold it without apology. But church leaders also need to recognize that when marriage is devalued in our culture, that brokenness comes into the church, too.

The church should be proactive about facilitating what God prizes in Scripture. That said, there’s a huge difference between being nosy busybodies and facilitating relationships among single adults.

Marriage is not the ultimate prize.

While I believe all churches should prize marriage and family, I also believe we have to be careful about the unintentional messages potentially conveyed about marriage and family. Both are gifts for this life alone.

The Singles are actually unmarried men and women.

It’s important that unmarried men and women are discipled as men and women and not a generic lump of singleness. Unmarried men and women are no less masculine or feminine because of being single.

Single men need leadership responsibilities.

When church leaders ask unmarried men to take on significant responsibilities, they demonstrate a belief that godly singleness is a tremendous asset to the Body of Christ.

Single adults are not workhorses.

Understand the challenges of endless opportunity.

A wise pastor once told a singles group that because he was a pastor, father, and husband, the boundaries of his day were fairly well-defined from the moment he woke up. He knew his responsibilities and the priorities given to him by God and he didn’t have to spend a lot of time deciding what he was supposed to do. But single adults can think they don’t have those same clear priorities and can be tempted to drift through their days.

Single men trust God by risking rejection and single women trust God by waiting on him.

Encourage single men and women to read Ruth. Not because it’s a matchmaking book (it’s really not), but because we all tend to be like Naomi. We survey our circumstances and think we know exactly what God is doing. . . or not doing.

Don’t be afraid to challenge bitterness.

Extended singleness is a form of suffering.  Don’t minimize the cumulative years of dashed hopes for unmarried adults.

That said, we single adults need loving challenges when we have allowed a root of bitterness to spring up and block our prayers to God, our fellowship with others, and our service to the church. Deferred hopes cannot be allowed to corrode our thankfulness for the gift of salvation.

It’s not self-improvement, it’s others-improvement.

Too often our advice to unmarried adults stems from worldly thinking that infects us all. We give advice to improve and equip the unmarried adult to attract better relationships, rather than reminding them they are stewards of whatever relationships they have been given.

It’s not whether boy gets girl. It’s whether we can look Jesus in the eye and say, “Thank you for the time you gave me with this person. I did my best to encourage and pray for this individual while I knew him/her. I loved without fear of loss because I wanted to be like you. So by your grace, I did my very best to build up this man/woman and return him/her to you with thanks for the gift of this relationship.”

I don’t see my blog becoming a place to discuss singleness because, although I have experience there, it’s not the only thing that defines me and my interests. Still, I have a voice to singles, and an ear for young single ladies. With that in mind, I recommend that single women read this post, “Why Pray for a Husband?” also by Carolyn. It’s one of the  most succinct, honest, wise articles I’ve seen on the subject.