Warning

Warning:

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

with a red hat that doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

and satin candles, and say we’ve no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired

and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

and run my stick along the public railings

and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

and pick the flowers in other people’s gardens

and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

and eat three pounds of sausages at a go

or only bread and pickles for a week

and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

and pay our rent and not swear in the street

and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

–by Jenny Joseph

God’s Slowness = Salvation

Because I have no original words right now, and because I want to share some amazing, wise words from someone else, I’m cutting and pasting part of Margaret Manning’s recent article in Slice of Infinity.

The piece reminds of a great John Piper quote I saw recently: Beware of hurry. Beholding glory begs for lingering. I know that I often miss seeing glory because of my rushing, and the loss is real.

More often than I’d care to admit, I find that I am in a hurry. Now, it’s not the typical kind of hurrying—rushing to get into the “15 items or less lane” at the grocery story, speeding through traffic, or running around juggling four or five tasks at a time. It’s more an inability to be present to my life as it is right now. So often I find that no matter the circumstances, I’m hurrying through, wondering or worrying, as the case may be, what is next.

Living in an efficiency-driven society doesn’t help the propensity towards hurrying through life. We live in an “instant” society, and our increasingly rapid technological developments only add to our impatience when things are not achieved instantaneously.

While technology has greatly improved many aspects of our lives, the ever-quickening pace of development coupled with my own propensity to hurry can be very repressive to the spiritual life. Perseverance atrophies like an unused muscle, and there is no space left for quite contemplation and reflection. Impatience fills my heart with disappointment when answers don’t come quickly, or interruptions slow my “perceived” achievement of goals, or the “improvement” of others doesn’t move at my break-neck speed.

From a human perspective—particularly for humans living in an “instant” society—it is difficult to understand why the Bible depicts the slow unfolding of God’s redemption; both of God’s promises to individuals and of the redemption of the world.

The long, slow, work of God is not to torment those of us who find ourselves in a hurry, wondering what’s next. Rather, the “slowness” of God is seen as a good gift [in 2 Peter 3:9, 14-15]. God’s seemingly slow movement gives ample opportunity to be present to our lives allowing the journey to shape us and mold us into the people we are designed to be. In addition, a spacious timetable gives more opportunity to grow in understanding the multi-faceted implications of God’s rescue—not just for ourselves but for the world.

Have a Brick

“It’s a brick!” my friendly land-lord said to me today when he saw the book I was reading outside on the steps. His wife joined us: “I can see that you like to read!”

Yes, I said. I’m always reading.

Usually I have several going simultaneously, but recently when I was reading Michael O’Brien’s books, nothing else could distract me. I finished Strangers and Sojourners today, and my next books are going to be Michner’s autobiography, also a brick, and The Wheel on the School which is so delightful I wish I could read it aloud to someone.

If you want rich, deep, human stories, run–don’t walk–to your nearest book source to find Sophia House and Strangers and Soujourners. They hardly deserve the flippant name of ‘novels’ because they’re so deep and accurately portray the psyche of intensely human characters. There is nothing cheesy or schmaltzy here.

Beyond the rich stories, I enjoyed the incredibly crafted sentences. Some were so delicious I had to re-read them and give them the attention they deserved. O’Brien makes every word count, weighting the phrases with stark, earthy, pungent nouns and verbs.

Sophia House is set in Warsaw during WWII. The tone of the book reminded me very much of Chaim Potok’s My Name is Asher Lev. They share the same kind of heaviness, darkness, and intensity. The flyleaf says “This is a novel about small choices that shift the balance of the world.”

I connected most with Strangers and Sojourners maybe because the main character is a woman, though I think the real hero was her Irish husband. The story follows Anne’s emigration from England to Canada, and her constant pursuit of home and identity. It’s a long story, and characters reappear in unexpected places, as well as ideas and words, ingeniously giving significance to each of the saga’s details.

I like how Anne and Stephen, the main characters, are often referred to as ‘the man’ or ‘the woman.’ It makes them seem plain and ordinary. The entire story is quite serious and sober, but I laughed toward the end of the book when I met the eccentric genius writer, Fran. I like when a writer writes about another writer, and O’Brien does it brilliantly several times in these books.

I’ve seen that sometimes novelists use dreams to reveal how their character changes, and I don’t know how to write a novel, but it seems to me that this method is a kind of cheap, easy way for the character to learn something that will influence him. Bring in the surreal, and anything can happen, and you can manipulate any character to think what you need him to think. O’Brien does this frequently in both books, but I forgive him for it because the rest of his writing more than makes up for it.

The stories search out the deep truths of peace, forgiveness, love, redemption, and what is really real. If you’re up to reading some bricks, you’ll like these.

In the next few days, I plan to post some particularly meaningful, powerful paragraphs and dialogues, because they’re too good to keep to myself.

Initialisms

If you’re a teacher, you plan a lesson, and you think it should work, but you never really know if it will fly until it flies. There are no guarantees. At least, I haven’t found them.

But yesterday’s lesson on initialisms was a smashing success with my teen girls. I wrote initialisms like LOL, FHI, TMI, IMHO on the board, asked if they’ve seen it and where, and explained how we use it. We also discussed terms like “ego surfing” and the “five-second rule” and then keyboard pictures of frowns, smiles, and hearts.

These girls are at school all day, and they come here because their parents want them to learn English so I hate to do anything that looks like school work with books because they really don’t want to do it and then it’s no fun for any of us and we leave feeling like we endured something. (An English teacher should be able to do better than that run-on sentence but there you are.) Fun has to be a component of the lesson, because if it’s a miserable time, they won’t learn anything except that studying English is hard and boring.

I wanted to cheer when the girls asked for paper to write what the initialisms mean. They NEVER ask to write. They would rather talk all the time, and they do well at that, but write? Never. So we wrote on our papers and laughed about using LOL as a spoken word vs. written and I explained what XXOO means when your mom writes it on a note. Then we took turns answering questions like:

What shortcuts do you use in your own language?
Do you think initialisms should be included in dictionaries?
Have you heard of the five-second rule before? Do you agree with it?
Do you think older people are confused by initialisms?

I don’t think new dictionaries should include initialisms as words. I think electronic, condensed messages don’t use words as they’re meant to be used. But it’s a great way to have an English class for teens!

Quotes I Collected Today

Ann Voskamp:I don’t believe in the resurrection of Christ when I live like all the painful things are all the final things.

David Wilkerson: All true passion is born out of anguish.

God: I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that the wicked turn from his way and live. (Ezekiel 33:11)
Do not rejoice when your enemy falls and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;
Or the LORD will see it and be displeased, and turn His anger away from him. (Proverbs 24:17,18)

Believe

It’s the word God keeps telling me these weeks. I can’t get away from it. It’s the word written on a block plaque sitting on my classroom window sill. A friend gave me the plaque without knowing that I need it more than any other word right now. I face it every day, sitting in front of my students. Between shoulders and above bobbing heads and beside the crepe-paper flowers in the vase: BELIEVE.

For all that is impossible: believe.

Why do we need to say ‘would’ in this sentence?

For every unwhispered dream: believe.

In grammar, it’s called a conditional.

Buds appear on trees, flowers from seeds: believe.

Could we try a Business English lesson next week?

For all that is impossible: believe.

Can we play Bingo now? Pleeeeease?

For healing for weeping wounds and aches: believe.

The word weaves itself through the minutes of my hours. Believe. For myself and those I love. For my students and their stories. Believe.

I say I believe His words, but my heart holds back, questioning, giving rationales, fearing.

He is patient in His convincing. That, if nothing else, tells me He is worthy of my belief. Can love morph into believing? Then belief will become more than cerebral assent, but firm, glad, heart-deep confidence.

As April’s warming soil births tulips and daffodils, my soul is slowly warming to believe.

Finger Work

Last week, for the first time in nearly a year, I cut out a dress and started sewing it. As I worked, I felt a swirl of nostalgia and excitement and happiness. It wasn’t quite as fun to sew in a different place from my mom’s well-stocked sewing room, but it was still fun. Even if I don’t know yet if the dress will fit.

I remembered how my mom taught me how to sew. Her fingers on top of mine, she’d guide my hands in the tricky parts. She could always sort out the tangled pieces or thread tension. She’d always calm me down when I made a mistake and helped me see that it wasn’t wasted effort even if I had to redo something.

For reasons that I haven’t been able to verbalize, I love working with my hands. I love the feel of fabric or paper or thread in my fingers. It’s in my genes, maybe. I value modesty and simplicity which is the main reason I sew all my dresses, but even if I didn’t care about being modest, I would make some of my clothes just for the pleasure of it.

I like to think that God likes finger work too. The song says stars were the work of His fingers. I bet He had fun with that. (And how big does that make His hands?) Menno Kuhns, a patriarch at Bible school, was fond of saying that God’s creation was the work of His fingers, but when it came to redeeming men, it took the work of His arms–and here he’d raise his arm to bulge the muscles.

Whatever significance is in that wording, I like the fact that God is a creator and that He likes working with His fingers. It’s a strange kind of way in which to feel an affinity with the Almighty. Not that He’s like me, but that I’m like Him.

To Explain

I haven’t figured out exactly why, but there are no words coming to me. Hence, no blog posts appear. I’m not so desperate for hits that I’m going to talk about what I had for lunch or what size shoes I’m looking for. Maybe this is a season for introspection and observation. I’ve been doing some of that, and it’s been enlightening–esp. the introspection.

I still love words. I still watch what some other people are writing. I still love stories and want to learn what makes an exceptional one. (Recommendation: read “Something from Nothing” by Phoebe Gilman.) But right now I only have energy to live a good story and walk with others in their stories, without putting it all into words.

Hopefully someday the words will come back.

Wielder of Wonder

My advanced English student is taking an English Lit. course at university, and wanted me to help her get ready for her Medieval English exam. I always dreamed of studying Lit. and teaching it at high school or college level, but I never had or took the opportunity. It’s something I’m sometimes sad about.

So when she handed me the anthology she’s studying, and wanted me to read some pieces to her, I was in new, deep water. On her study list was Beowulf, Chaucer, and Shakespeare. I’d never read any of them, only heard about them. My student friend wanted practice in listening, so I read aloud, starting with Beowulf.

Recently, I’ve felt starved for words that live, that speak relevance and life to me. So much of what is being written now is clap-trap and trite, canned and smooth, without the grip of something solid for me to hold onto. Not that it’s not speaking to someone else out there, but somehow I need something more.

I started reading the first lines, stumbling over the foreign-sounding, archaic words as gracefully as possible, and came to this line:

…the Lord endowed him,
the Wielder of Wonder, with world’s renown.

So it’s talking about Beowulf, the heir, the son in his halls to ‘favor the folk’ and the alliteration is lovely, but instantly I knew I’d found the rich words I’d been aching for, and who they describe for me: my God, the Wielder of Wonder. The words took my breath away, the alliteration and simplicity and depth.

This week a mentor asked me to think about what God was up to during a particularly puzzling time. So I’ve been thinking about what God was doing, and how patient and solid and persistent He was and is. The phrase from Beowulf, “Wielder of Wonder,” put into words what I hadn’t grasped yet. I can’t fully explain why the words touched me so deeply, why I found them so rich and meaningful, but there they are, because I wanted to share them in case someone else is starved for beautiful words.

‘One Thousand Gifts’ is Out!

I’ve waited a long time for this, and was happy today to place my order here for this book

I’ve often quoted Ann’s words from her blog, and now some of them are between two hard covers, which is something to celebrate. Her words are poetry, crystal-clear and honest, revealing beauty in darkness, worship in routine, joy in sorrow. She’s my hero in the way she lives and writes. I can’t wait to read her book.

Run, don’t walk, to get your copy!