A Bridge of Silence

Being with people usually energizes me. Observing and interacting with people makes my world bigger and more exciting and I love it. I love people and communication.

Maybe it’s part of maturing, but as I become more self-aware, I’m learning that I need silent spaces that link between the intense, noisy, crowded, fun hubub of people. The bridge of silence gives me a place to regroup, assess where I’ve been, and where I’m going. It is, as a friend says, a time for my soul to catch up with my body.

The bridge of silence is an active place, not lethargic or lazy. But it is silent. And in a different way than the crowd, it energizes me again. Sometimes I have 20 min. on the bridge. Sometimes I have half a day to spend on it. Solitude and silence is a spiritual discipline that saints have practiced for centuries. I treat is as a luxury, but I might be more saintly if I kept it as a discipline.

These days, when seemingly endless lines of customers and chit chat fill my hours, I desperately need silent bridges to connect the days and keep me from falling off the peaks. Which is where I’m going now.

SS thoughts

Now and then I want to post ideas and musings from teaching Sunday school, for my sake more than anything, so that I don’t so easily forget what excited me on the day.

The lesson was from the first part of Proverbs 1. A wise man looks for wisdom. I used to think when you’re 30 or 40, you automatically know a lot. But I see that it doesn’t happen by default: that the intentional person is the wise one, not the person who is drifting along on the easiest route.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. But I’ve heard ‘the fear of the Lord’ a million times. What does it mean? Part of what it means is that what God is says is foundational to our decisions and outlook. We trust His word, not our logic and knowledge. The fear of the Lord is acknowledging that He is God and we are not.

I love James’ writing for various reasons but maybe most of all because He was Jesus’ brother. I was wondering how we could find Christ in the Proverbs, but in reading James’ description of wisdom, I could see Christ. I knew that James was describing a Person who was pure, gentle, easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruit: Christ, the wisdom of God. And so pursuit of wisdom is really the pursuit of a Person who I already love. Becoming wise means growing in that love and wonder. I like that idea a lot.

Silence and Solitude

Let us be silent, so we may hear the voice of God.

Felt a soul-deep exhaustion most of the day. Since I didn’t have to go to work until 1:00, I used the morning as a bridge of silence between 2 chasms of noise and action. It was good to be quiet, to talk to God, to hear Him speak. Amazing, that the God whose voice thunders like the ocean also speaks in stillness.

Jetlag, MRI, and a book

It was a flying trip to the US, and I was going to take it in stride, but it has made me tired-er than I expected. But it was worth it. It was a significant trip in several ways. The focal point of the week was Oasis Ladies’ retreat at SMBI. A lovely, refreshing, inspiring one-and-a-half day. Other high points throughout the week were being with old and new friends and my aunts, singing with friends, brainstorming writing and art projects, hearing each others’ dreams.

It was also an amazing trip because I didn’t go to WalMart even once!! Thus, I have proved it is possible to live, yes, even to visit America, without shopping there.

Today I finished a lovely book: The Soloist, by Steve Lopez. A true story, gripping and beautifully and sensitively written. I was sorry it ended. I’m going to add it to my list on the book page. It makes me want to write a good story…

Also today I went to Dublin for my (last) MRI to assess the success of last October’s embolization. The dr. showed me the pictures then dismissed me, saying things are good, and don’t need further treatment until there are more symptoms–which I hope never happens. I thank God for Dr. Brophy and his amazing skills.

Then I trotted over to Trinity College and met Jenn whom I’d never met before, but who has just moved to Dublin with her husband. We found a cute little tea room and drank tea and ate cake and chatted easily and felt better for it.

Tonight’s Hymn

I have very decided views and opinions about contemporary Christian music and Gospel songs versus the old hymns that have stood the test of generations. Music is an emotional issue with all of us, and among other things, we are influenced by memories attached to music.
I have a lot of memories of CCM and Gospel music, but nothing feeds me and communicates as deeply with me as the old, rich words of the hymns.
This evening I came to one of my favorites:

The day Thou gavest, Lord, has ended:
The darkness falls at Thy behest;
To Thee our morning hymns ascended;
Thy praise shall sanctify our rest.

(My favourite verse, as I live on an island)
As o’er each continent and island
The dawn leads on another day,
The voice of prayer is never silent
Nor dies the strain of praise away.

The sun that bids us rest is waking
Our brethren ‘neath the western sky,
And hour by hour fresh lips are making
Thy wondrous doings heard on high.

So be it, Lord: Thy throne shall never,
Like earth’s proud empires, pass away;
Thy kingdom stands, and grows forever
Till all Thy creatures own Thy sway.
–John Ellerton

The first time I heard this was when the nuns sang it at Vespers once when we visited the convent at Mount Melloray. The flowing tune captivated me and then I found the words equally beautiful. It’s like a hymn and lullaby simultaneously.

Irony

This evening I said good bye to my 10 Russian-German ESL students. We’ve been together for the last 17 days.  At every break time, I’d open windows that they’d closed.  ( I think  Slavic culture dislikes drafts.) In every class time, I’d be as winsome and active as possible to distract them from talking to each other. They got better at conversation and they learned lots of vocabulary.

The ironic thing is that the ones who were the noisiest, least conducive to studious atmosphere–they’re the ones I’m sorriest to let go. It’s the lively ones that charm me, not the prim, perfect ones. Maybe it’s because I feel the most affinity to the noisy ones. The sparkle in their eyes meets mine, and we become allies, and I’m sorry they’re leaving. I so much want them to have seen Christ. To feel the breath of His love and gentleness and bubbling joy. I think they get little enough love. I like to think they can learn English vocabulary from someone else, but maybe no one can love them like Jesus and  I can.

The Tea Ritual…

…tea is the beverage of the wealthy and of the poor; the tea ritual, therefore, has the extraordinary virtue of introducing into the absurdity of our lives an aperture of serene harmony. Yes, the world may aspire to vacuousness, lost souls mourn beauty, insignificance surrounds us. Then let us drink a cup of tea.   –Muriel Barbery, The Elegance of the Hedgehog

Oxford of the dreaming spires

So I stomped around Dublin for awhile, avoiding the rain, and flew to London Luton. Ryanair is being very strict about one piece of hand luggage only. Every time I travel with them I determine not to do it again, and then they entice me again with a rate that’s too good to pass up. sigh

Anna and her brother collected me and we had a jolly ride to her family home, to drink tea and look around the garden before heading further to A’s flat.

Sat. morn. I was sure it wouldn’t rain that day, and I was right. It was blissful to explore Oxford in the warm sunshine. On the train enroute, I could hardly stop staring at the 2 glamorous couples who were seemingly on their way to a wedding or some event that required incredibly stunning clothes that looked like they came out of the 1920’s.

I kept being amazed at how much more contintental England feels/looks than Ireland does. There are more bikes there, more cultured cafes,  vaster fields and roads. Oxford was full of tourists, but that was ok. We walked around New College gardens and cloisters, up High St. and to Magdelene Bridge and watched the punters and rowers.  We walked around Bodlian Library and looked into Alice’s Shop that was too full to go into. Walking past Merton College, we saw a poster of a choir concert later than evening!!! We browsed several bookshops, and my souvenir is The Screwtape Letters, illustrated. And now, having eaten fish and chips in the Rabbit Room (the room the Inklings met in) at the Eagle and Child, my life is complete.

O yes, and we found Pusy Lane! Sheldon and Davy Vanauken lived on that tiny street, and it’s still cobbled but their house must be gone because it was old back then and these look newer than he describes it. It was amazing to think of them going in and out of there,under the gas lamps. Vanauken’s books, A Severe Mercy, and Under the Mercy were the main inspiration that drew me to Oxford. Going back to his first book now, I realized that he didn’t spend that much time writing about Oxford–only most of one chapter–but he gives such a charming, glowing account of it that it drew me and the stately, learned place didn’t disappoint.

After the fish and chips, we walked across town, stuck our heads into the gate of Christ Church College and saw that Evensong started in 10 min. So we went in! The choir was lovely, and the prayers were beautiful, and I met God in a surprising, comforting way.

Then we went back to Merton and followed the path to the chapel and garden. Rounding a corner, we came upon 2 well-dressed young men playing croquet in the garden. Students on a Sat. night. Did you ever. I couldn’t believe it. It was like a story. Then in the old, wood-ceiled chapel, we saw the Brixi choir from northern England getting ready for their concert. I saw a lot of them had silver/white hair, and thought condesendingly that the choir must be a group of chronies who like to sing. I thought your voice is never as good after you hit 3o, but these 16  people dismantled that theory. I’ve never heard such sound and dynamics and crispness come from any choir. It was Amazing. They sang a lot of old sacred pieces that I knew or have sung, and it was all very delightful to spend an evening in a place where music has been enjoyed since the 1200’s.

I’m inspired to become reaquainted with Lewis and Vanauken and Tolkien. They seem like the kind of friends that are good to keep.

This evening

Tomorrow  morning, I plan to take an early bus to Dublin for an appointment, spend several hours in the city, then fly to London in the evening to see a friend who lives in Reading.

This evening I stopped at my parents’ house for something. As always, there was something around to eat. And did I have a Dublin map? No, but sure, it would be nice. Did I have a phone? No, but sure, it would be nice just in case.

So I hugged them good bye and left with my hands full, just like last night when I left there after mom gave me some of her glorious fragrant roses to take home.

Years ago, a little neighbor girl asked mom if I’m her girl because I’m not a little girl anymore. Mom said “She’ll always be my child; she’ll never be my adult, so yes, she’s my girl.” I’m loving having a place of my own, to be an adult in. I feel particularly rich because now I have two homes–my own and my parents’.  And I can be both child and adult and be ok.

My Exciting Days

Last night some of us went to hear Chanticleer at the Wexford Opera House. They gave their “Wondrous Free” program, and while they sang the first song, “Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah” I marvelled at how their voices blended in the unison of the Appalachian melody. The recorded sound never has the life and depth and breadth of the live performance. I loved “Shenendoah” and “Hard Times.”  It was an amazing, delightful evening. My ideal job would be to sing for a living like they do. Meanwhile, I sing while I work.

Then today another load of us went to Cork to see and tour Logos Hope, the ship that goes around the world with books and workers to partner with local churches. We spent a long time in the book room, finding treasures.

This is what I came home with:Radical Womanhood, McCauley; Longing for More, Barton; Cross-Cultural Connections, Elmer; The Soul Tells a Story, Wright; The NLT One Year Bible, and a world map from Logos because every house needs a world map.

We toured the big ship and asked questions and were awed with the huge operation. Nearly 400 staff live on the ship, some for years, and some short term, and they come from 40 countries. A family left today, going back to England after having lived on the ship for 10 years. No wonder they cried.

The staff need to raise their own support and can’t jet home whenever a cousin or sister gets married back home. Some haven’t seen their family for several years. It was exciting to see God’s people willing to pay to be in ministry like this, being useful wherever they’re needed.

I’m rich to have experienced these exciting events in 2 days!