Author Archives: Life is For Living book

Commas, Maybe?

Posted in life, words by

The silence from this corner is not because I’m bored, or depressed, or too busy. Things tumble  about in my head, but they don’t need to see daylight yet.

This is a period where

It feels like

everything I

say

or write

must not end

with a

.

but with a

,

or

?

The words I have declared now feel

less sure.

The sacred and beautiful things

are still all of that,

but I feel I can say nothing,

write nothing,

except to end it with a

question or disclaimer or comma.

A few things I know.

They are great, glad statements that arch over the questions. These things I know and they have no question marks.

I think everything else is sand.

Shifting.

Ending in a comma because each new thing adds to the

sequence.

Each orbit of the sun reveals a new

aspect to acknowledge.

Each bit of truth adds

understanding

so that I can

never

be wholly sure of what I’ve seen.

I can’t see myself completely ,

never mind someone else

or my surroundings.

It means living with an open hand,

not clenching anything in my fist,

not refusing new things.

Being sure only of my God

in whose hand I am,

and only His words are

final.

Deepest Fears Spill Out

Posted in life, words by

For a long time, I’ve promoted the act/discipline/therapy of journaling. Life journals, and particularly thanks journals. Because I maintain that getting something out, something that’s churning inside you, isn’t as big or scary or impossible when it’s  outside of you and you can look at it and see it for what it is.

This was confirmed recently when talking with a friend who had gone through a debilitating mental breakdown. In the process of healing, which included the strong support of her family, and a Christian counsellor, she said with a little grimace, “And I had to write alot.”  It was obvious that the therapy helped, and she admitted it even though it hadn’t been fun at the time.

Not everyone can write easily or well, but in a journal, that doesn’t matter. You should still write. Even in single words punctuated by dashes and not complete sentences and paragraphs, if that makes it easier for you.

Not long ago, I was processing some issues by journalling. There were things roiling inside me, and I wasn’t able to verbalize them, let alone make sense of them, but suddenly, as I wrote,  my current deepest fears went spilling on onto the page, and then I thought “That’s it! That’s what’s bothering me.” I felt so relieved to have a name for it.

Sometimes the truth of the words doesn’t compute with me until I re-read them a week later. But often it happens as they tumble out. You hear yourself say it, it’s a form of self-talk, and it helps. A lot.

Try it!

And no, you didn’t really think I was going to tell the cyber world about my deepest fears, did you?

Sad and Angry Tonight

Posted in Uncategorized by

Usually when I’m angry, I try to keep it to myself but I snap at people and am biting and try not to say much so as not to cause too much damage. But right now I’m angry, and I don’t mind if the world knows it.

I’m angry because a dad, after his daughter was dating for the better part of a year, told the young man he can’t see the girl again. The dad, an American, said he couldn’t see his daughter marry an Eastern European.

The young man has a stellar character. He would treat any girl like a queen. I understand the challenges of a cross-cultural marriage, but I think it’s unfair and wrong to break a man’s heart like that, on the basis of his ethnic background.

I hurt for the couple.  I ache for the injustice of it. I hurt for the young man, because I know him and his gifts and his character. I know he has support around him, lots of people love him, this can be redeemed sometime, somehow.

But right now, I’m angry.

New Hope Singers CD !

Posted in Poland, recommendations by

The latest Hope Singers CD is ready for shipping now. Although we sang mostly in Polish at programs, most of the songs on the recording are in English, and arranged by our conductor, Lloyd Kauffman.  You can order your copies today!

This is the repertoire:

Praise to the Lord
Let All the Nations Praise the Lord
Ghospodi, Pomiluy (Lord, Have Mercy)
Father, I Adore you/Alleluia
Fairest Lord Jesus
In Christ Alone
When Peace Like a River
Tryumfy Królu Niebieskiego (the Triumphs of the Heavenly King)
He’s Got the Whole World
Amen
I Can Tell the World
An Unclouded Day
Królu Niebios (King of Heaven)
O Healing River
Barka (My Boat)
Blest Be the Tie

To order recordings, contact:
The Family Bookshop
4041 St. Rt. 26E
Montezuma, GA 31063
Phone: 478-472-5166
E-mail: elmest@juno.com

 

Joy Like Swords

Posted in books, life, recommendations, words by

I read these assorted words this week, on a theme I keep bumping into:

The Lord our God is One and in Him, all the fragments of life are woven into one piece. In Christ, we’re aren’t ever torn. In Him, all brokenness is made whole, all moments are made holy, all pieces are made one.   —Ann Voskamp

Why must we always insist that the destination is the most important measure of success? We put so many worry hours into our future only to discover that it keeps changing.

My years pursuing and practicing the job of sign language interpreting were not wasted. They brought with them necessary gifts for my life: the gift of listening for the purpose of understanding, the gift of learning how to do the work, the gift of becoming comfortable in my own skin.

That season prepared me for this one. But at the time, I was sure that season was all there would ever be. I was sure I would be a sign language interpreter for the rest of my life.

What you are doing now may not be what you’ll be doing this time next year. Those things you care so deeply for now may seem small a month from now. Might I boldly suggest that the season you are in carries hints of what you’ll be doing next? This season is a kind companion, escorting you to the next one. And then the next. We would be wise to sit back a bit and enjoy today’s adventure, whatever gifts and sufferings they may hold.

Neither the accolades nor the critiques are worth anything. Don’t force something as valuable and sacred as the definition of your life to fit onto the small, flat, earthly paper of a degree or a certificate. They will come and they will go and they are important. But they do not get the final say. For in HIM we live and move and have our being. —Emily Freeman

“Gandalf! I thought you were dead! Is everything sad going to become untrue?”

And the minstrel sang to them… until their hearts, wounded with sweet words, overflowed, and their joy was like swords, and they passed in thought out to regions where pain and delight flow together and tears are the very wine of blessedness.  — Tolkien, The Return of the King

 

 

Practical Theology

Posted in life, Poland, teaching English by

I was writing a letter today to someone who was feeling forgotten by God and men. Among other things, I wrote that we were made for Eden, and will never find perfection here. (Has this become the refrain of my days?)

Then I started wondering if God intended us to stay in Eden forever. Did He create Eden with the contingent plans of redemption and healing that would be necessary after the sin and brokenness that would enter the perfection?

These aren’t new questions, and I’m sure there are answers. I’m reading Bonhoeffer right now, and he was a practical theologian, and spent years studying and teaching deep theories and ideas. He was dissatisfied with keeping all of that only as theory, and did his best to flesh out the ideas he believed.

For a fleeting moment today, thinking about Eden, something in me wanted to study and discuss and write and come to a nice, tidy conclusion about God’s purposes and what He had in mind at creation. Good people spend years talking and writing about these kinds of things, and some of that appeals to me.  But not now.

Instead, I felt most fulfilled today, not pondering vast ideas, but teaching and talking with little children. One opened the house door for me but hid under his bed until his mom yelled at him to come for his English lesson. I considered leaving and not getting into a conflict. There’s no point in twisting someone’s arm to learn English. But I gave him a chance, and it turned out to be a delightful 45 min. lesson. He ended up giving me more words than he’d ever done before.

The next class was a brother and sister. She was in a funk and embodied a dark gray storm cloud. It was wonderful to read them a story, meet her eyes now and then, and watch the light gradually seep back into her. I’m learning to relax in children’s classes, and not get all up tight when the lesson doesn’t go as I planned. To go with the current, and if they deviate from my plans, to take that route and make it a teaching opportunity. As one who likes serendipity, this kind of class lets me fly. And they’re not out of control, so I can let them go, which means we played Hangman even if I hadn’t planned to.

I mean,  if, while the sister finishes a project,  the brother writes 13 blanks on the board and asks me to guess his word and it turns out to be christmastree, I’m not going to complain.

Then I treated myself to a fancy coffee (to write the letter mentioned above) and bumped into another student with her 3 yr old who resents his mother talking to anyone except him. But I took him and kissed and tickled his cheeks and made him laugh, and he liked me a little after all.

This is my kind of theology. It’s where I best put my energy. I don’t know what you call it, but it suits me.

__________ isn’t Perfect

Posted in Family, life, travel by

She stood in the doorway, looking like a storm cloud. “What’s wrong?” I asked her.

“Life isn’t perfect,” she said.

Oh. Yes. That’s what’s wrong.

I remember when it occurred to me, after years of insisting that life is wonderful (and it is), that it feels a lot more honest and freeing to admit imperfection. To acknowledge that Eden was a long time ago. To remember that perfection is still ahead of us.

One thing I hate about the enemy is that he’s the source of imperfection, but that’s not enough: he uses our longing for perfection to pit us against life and  each other. So we’re not perfect, and we hate that, but at the same time we hold others to our expectations of perfection. It can get really ugly.

I wonder how Jesus lived in this tension of knowing perfection but walking, sleeping, eating, loving in a fragmented world. Maybe what made it possible for Him to live well was that He was full of Grace and Truth. He knew reality– the unchanging, clear sense of what was accurate about the moment, but He had grace to cover the shards, elastic to stretch past real limitations.

I’m thinking alot about perfection and imperfection since the week of Christmas, which held more laughter and tears than my normal capacity. In a perfect world, we would understand each others’ hearts and have no expired passports.

The week was also filled with grace. Magnanimous, expansive grace.

Two days after Christmas, my parents, sister and brother-in-law, a friend, and I took a train to Berlin. Our 3 days there were filled with education, laughter, coffee, good weather, discussions.   I think laughter is such a big grace that it’s almost sacred. All of trip was a wonderful way to recharge the batteries.

I have no New Year’s resolutions. I am unspeakably grateful that God is over time, and doesn’t mark years and days as we do. With Him, the next moment is always the moment that is untouched, clear, and ready for new beginnings. For that reason, I know He doesn’t mind when I keep pleading with Him for His grace and truth to become the fabric of my life.

Sing the Glories

Posted in life, recommendations, words by

He came, John wrote, full of grace and truth.

Grace and truth. Truth and grace.

I mull the words, mixing them in a million ways, and always they stay only two words. Two words that dazzle me, words so big that I can’t get my head around them. It’s good I’m not trying to understand ten words.

I am desperate, panting, wanting to absorb what they mean and what they are.

Truth defies darkness, illumines, clarifies. To live with one lie–even half a lie–is too much darkness to endure. What is the truth about this situation? What can dispel the lie I believe here? Living in light is what we were created for, and it is beautiful.

But truth alone can kill, can cut to the bone, can devastate. Truth can be scary, and we unconsciously adopt ways to avoid it.

Grace moves into the cracks that truth opens. Grace soothes and softens. It never refutes truth, never distorts the light. It gives space and understanding and patience. It gives when it could rightfully demand. It forgives when it could justly expose.

Humans, in their finiteness, are prone to the either/or limitations of grace and truth. We try to be balanced, and try to come out with a good average. But Christ, in His fullness and perfection, came FULL of both grace and truth.

The wonder of it catches my breath and makes me hungry for the same fullness, the same richness. I know how my fallible heart harps on truth without the balm of grace, but the next minute slathers grace in the shade, disregarding the full truth.

I see that real change in the world and in me happens at the place where grace is poured onto truth.

The bishop told Jean Valjean who’d stolen the silver:  “You promised to become an honest  man. You no longer belong to evil but to good. With this silver I ransomed your soul, and now I give you back to God.” The truth was that he no longer belonged to evil. Accepting the grace poured onto that made Jean Valjean a changed man .  Javert, though, tried to live his life without breaking a single rule but truth by itself it had no power for lasting change in himself or anyone in his world.

(If you’ve never read Les Miserables go quickly and get a copy to read over Christmas break.)

He who is full of Truth and Grace is my life model, and I love Him, however feebly and childishly. His truth takes away the shadows of untruths, and His grace softens the hard edges of this fallen, tired, broken world.

He rules the world with truth and grace, and makes the nations sing!

Book Giveaway!

Posted in books, recommendations by

Quick! Run to Michelle’s site to enter her book giveaway. That is, you’ll want to try for it if you’re a bride or need a gift for a bride or even if you were a bride 20 years ago.

Michelle and her sister Christy co-authored this book, and I’m so proud of them. To be honest, I’ve not read it from cover to cover–oh yes, I guess I did when it was still a Word document–because it’s not the kind of material I need in this stage of my life. But women who have read it give it rave reviews. And I’m even one of the guest authors, and slipped in a chapter about brides relating to their single friends. So you could read the book just for that chapter. Ha!

It’s a happy memory: Michelle and I cross-legged on her couch, both with a laptop, editing each other’s manuscripts. So it wasn’t professional editing, but there’s nothing like a friends being honest with each other about how to tune up their words.

I believe in the book’s message, and the way that Michelle and Christy come along-side women, and let them feel that they’re not alone. Writing from the middle of their lives as new brides gave them a voice of understanding and credibility. The book is honest, personal, and articulate. I cheer for their vision and the way I see them pour their lives into their own families.

If you don’t win the book, you can contact Michelle: (434) 760-3853, or visit the website to order a copy for yourself and/or a friend. It makes a wonderful gift, you know.

I Met Philip Yancey in Warsaw

Posted in recommendations by

The tickets were expensive enough that I probably wouldn’t have gone except that my brother-in-law said I really need to: Philip Yancey’s your favourite author–you have to go!

I’m so glad he urged me. I’ve read eleven of Yancey’s books, some of them several times. I read his books because of his honesty, the way he grapples with hard questions, and the way he uses words. His sentences carry a rhythm, a cadence, that takes you along with his thought processes.

His Polish publisher organized the day, and we convened in a small, quaint hotel’s conference room on the 2nd floor. From my seat I looked out the window and saw the pastel row houses of Old Town, Warsaw.  There were maybe 100 people there, which made the sessions feel relaxed and personal.

We were together the whole day. Philip had four sessions where he talked mostly about the subjects he writes about: faith, prayer, grace, and God’s ways of creation and redemption. The last hour was a Q&A session.

Uncharacteristically, I hadn’t let myself hope for much. I didn’t want to go to be in awe of him, because I dislike raving fans of anyone. It’s not fair to be agog at someone. I do respect him hugely, but  I didn’t know if he would be as engaging as his books are.  And I knew it was unfair to take for granted that I knew him as a person. When you read someone’s words, it’s only part of the whole person, and you can’t expect to know them just from that.

As Philip spoke to the group, I got the feeling that this is a common man who thinks uncommon thoughts, and I wished that I could know him casually, like be able to go to his house with my friends to have coffee with him and his wife.  Later, I had a chance to talk with him, and it was most pleasant. He was gracious and interested in whoever was in front of him. I felt like we spoke the same language, and that it transcended our words.

Later I found his website, and read this: “Unlike many websites, this one emphasizes words and de-emphasizes graphics. I am, after all, a writer.” Ah! Someone else who blogs because of words and not photos! It made me happy that I not only met a writing hero, but also came away feeling that we understand each other.

As for recommendations, read his Disappointment with God, as well as Soul Survivor (it’s his favourite, he said), all the ones co-authored with Dr. Paul Brand, and his latest: What Good is God?  which is a collection of his speeches and the context behind them.  I hope that when you read him, you’ll feel understood too.